You don't have to speak because, I can hear your heart beat.

2012-02-16T19:06:00.000-08:00

How are you feeling?
I'm still affected by that night..
I don't know what to do to make myself feel better..

I want your attention..
I want to be able to tell you how I feel without you being mad or upset with me..

I choose to swallow my words whenever I thought of the terrible scenarios that could possibly happen..
Why can't I get better ?!
Why so useless.

2012-02-15T02:41:00.000-08:00

如果我能
忍让多一些，
看开多一点，
烦恼少一点，
乐观多一点，
包容多一些，
疑心少多点，
体谅多一些，
信任多一点，
信心多多点，

我想我就不会搞砸今天。。

Insecurity

2012-02-15T00:19:00.000-08:00

Perplexed emotions..

I don't know why I lose confidence so readily.

Why am I so curious, why do I have to see it?

"Any updates?"

"Anything new?"

"I have cut off all connections."

"Nothing new."

Then what are those...?

Had I known earlier, I wouldn't want to see it..

This is probably one of the happiest, and worse Valentines' ever spent.

I don't wanna let you down, but I can't control my emotions..

I really appreciate your effort.

I'm trying. I still am trying..

On a happier note, I enjoyed the quality time spent with my family :)

Always plan ahead of time

2012-02-14T01:18:00.000-08:00

You can tell a person's character from the way they organize their schedule.
One who is clear about their schedule tends to be more meticulous in his/her tasks and makes lesser blunders,
while the other who always have last minute preparation tends to be more slipshod and often screw up situations.

So, which category do you belong?

2012-02-13T22:43:00.000-08:00

Tomorrow will be another #foreveralone Valentines'.

Well it's not like I've always been 'celebrating' it, but for the past few years, yes.

At least there were surprises of some sort or something. Something memorable.

I just dislike spending festives like any other day.

Oh well.

2012-02-11T01:46:00.001-08:00

Life's been pretty easy-going for this Block, with just ONE module.

Perhaps Kyungmi planned out our schedule well. (Well, she's KYUNGMI.)

I've been enjoying life recently - going for desserts and treats.

& spending a lot on fabrication as well.

Photographs on Instagram @veggiemz :)

Brace myself, for the sewing war starts next week.

2012-02-06T22:12:00.000-08:00

Perplexed. Stunned. Taken-aback. Lost. Misunderstood by. Rejected. Dejected. Disheartened. Disenchanted. Heart wrenching. Emotional ride. Emotional breakdown. Imagination running wild. Insecurity builds. Hallucinating. Avoiding the crowd.

I'm sorry for going missing in the afternoon.

Learnt my mistake.

Am I wrong, requesting that from you..?

My tone was fine, I thought..?

Sorry, but I have to go missing now.

Because no one is keeping me.

步步惊心 updated.

2012-02-01T23:33:00.000-08:00

Hello people,

here's an awesome drama for you to catch if you have nothing better to do :)

It's a really romantic show and I'm addicted.

It made me T_________T like shit!

I'm watching it over and over again, on laptop, on phone, on television..

Liu Shishi :)

She's prettier than Liu Yi Fei. #fact

I don't like Liu Yi Fei. #random

Over the weeks..

2012-02-01T21:41:00.000-08:00

CNY house visits.

Camwhoring with Rae.

Help Twt with photoshoot for assignment.

2012-01-19T23:03:00.000-08:00

2012-01-18T23:34:00.000-08:00

He's a player,

He's a dick,

He's indescribable.

Not worth tearing for him, girl.

By any chance should you read my blog again, you have us with you :)

2012-01-16T23:08:00.000-08:00

Let me come up with a simple illustration.

When I'm with Mr. Ali, problem A exists, problems B,C,D doesn't.

Then when I'm with Mr. Baba, problem A does not exist, problems B,C,D do.

In conclusion: Miley Cyrus' a fucking liar. You can't have the best of both worlds.

Photoshop Photoshop Photoshop.

2012-01-16T19:13:00.000-08:00

Morbid lately, or just pure coincidence?

Collage for Visual Presentation Exercise 3.

Schizophrenia

Poster for Visual Presentation Exercise 4.

Mood board for Advanced Computer Aided Design Exercise 3.

War.

Ok I'm actually satisfied with this one.

Just when I've submitted one assignment, comes the other.

Meh.

Busygal92hentiredworxz

Home alone.

2012-01-15T22:47:00.000-08:00

Those who know me well enough knows I'm used to being home all alone by myself.

Sometimes I really appreciate the peace around, after a weary day in school.

Yes, like any other day, I was home alone.

But no, unlike any other day, I let my emotions took over.

I threw some huge tantrum.

I was being selfish, unreasonable.

I don't know why, I just broke down at the littlest things.

I just needed someone to accompany.

I should have gone for CO performance earlier, keeping myself occupied.

I anticipated the next two weeks to be a dreary battle.

Dreary not because of the assignments, but the struggling, racing against time and sleepless nights really put every aspect of my endurance up to test.

Despite all these, I enjoy what I'm doing.

But that does not mean I do not get grouchy.

Life has always been like this since I entered the School of Design.

Mood swings are inevitable.

Your frontline 'soldier.'

2012-01-15T16:16:00.000-08:00

I couldn't take it lying down, the fact that you played with my girl's feelings.

I don't know if you are just plain retarded or a total bastard but you must be thinking no one else knew what the heck took place throughout these months.

It's not that we are clueless about it, we're giving you what i call 'face' (if you even have one) on the account of my girl's incessant pleads.

I told her that I'd be her frontline soldier.

The only reason I'm holding back is because she still wants to remain as friends.

If she continues to stay affected, I won't take things easy.

I've been through a greater hell you've given her.

& I despise jerks like you.

Stupid squid face.

PUI. FSNL.

Chanel models.

2012-01-14T09:46:00.000-08:00

I want her face :/ (left)

Rae Rae.

2012-01-13T21:33:00.000-08:00

Hawhaw

2012-01-12T22:09:00.000-08:00

My most enjoyable finger food.

Objective: Apply my own floral prints onto fashion magazine model.

Advanced Computer Aided Design.

Sucking me dry.

Currently fiddling with Photoshop.

Submission tomorrow.

I'm almost there!

Okay, back to work and munching.

2012-01-10T22:28:00.000-08:00

Finally time to gasps for some air.

I haven't been applying liner to school these days.

My eyes haven't fully recovered.

Okay, back to work.

Updates.

2012-01-10T10:20:00.000-08:00

TP Open house's Fashion show!

I wasn't there in person, but from the looks of the pictures, the kids are sooooo adorable!

From Beauty and the Beast,

Cupboard on left (by Huen), Candlestick in the middle (by me)

and Cheshire Cat at the back from Alice in the Wonderland (by Hannah) :D

Satisfied

Wedding Gown Design!

2012-01-08T12:17:00.000-08:00

Nyahahahahhahaha~

Okay, if you compare my illustration with the gown Cang Ai manufactured after..

You can spot the difference. Rather obvious isn't it?

Colour, detailing etc.

But oh well at least I entered finalist!

Together with my girls :)

I'm really pleased with the applique at the bottom of the dress, and the cowl at the back.

I'm just gonna go there to collect the Certificate tonight.

Muahahahhahahahahaha

2012-01-08T01:19:00.000-08:00

Dear Darling,

I am feeling so much inside.

With love,

Please support!

2012-01-05T21:02:00.000-08:00

Dear Reader,

Remember the Bridal Gown competition I participated some months back?

Well, my design has been manufactured and exhibited at the BOWS 2012 event!

For more information, click here.

Should you happen to be in Dhoby Ghaut area, or happened to be free this weekend, do drop by and show your support by voting for my gown!

Your vote be greatly appreciated :)

To vote,

Simply head down to Dhoby Ghaut exit 2.

Bring along your student pass (if not, just tell the person you're there to vote).

You will then be given a vote *I guess?

Vote for my friends too! @ChenLiqin, @TanSzeRui

Thank you!

♥, Emz.

Self-entertainment.

2012-01-05T20:36:00.000-08:00

I got bored of illustrating my nude model.

Bull-shitting :)

Today's topic: Reasons why you should keep long fringes.

You can centre-part.

You can part on the right.

And on the left.

Use it as sun-shade or as a part of Halloween costume.

End of lesson. Prancing back to illustration.

Sharon's Wedding :>

2012-01-01T23:59:00.000-08:00

It's been sooo long since I've attended a wedding.

Makes me look forward to mine :x

I wanna look youthful, and pretty when I become a mother.

I'm sure it's every woman's wish.

I know I wore the same outfit to Melissa's birthday.

Don't judge. (Y)

I feel so old knowing I'll be turning 20 this year.

Bidding goodbye to youth soon :'(

2012 Resolution:

1) Be more filial.

2) Be more caring.

3) Start saving up.

4) Learn to cherish.

5) Learn to let go.

The list stops here for now.

2011-12-30T01:02:00.000-08:00

The night was filled with poignance :>
Though a little irked by all the noise from the chatters initially, I guess it was just me being upset with the world and everything.
A quick nap cured my frustration and helping with the home-cooked spread excites me!

...
My closest people all live near him.
I'm always feeling so much, so nostalgic whenever I'm in his living vicinity
...

...
I'm always falling out with him,
Over the most trivial matter
...

Is this punishment from God?

I tried looking for answers.
But to no avail..

Look how much we've grown.

2011-12-29T11:31:00.000-08:00

Found some year one pictures

Melissa's Awesome 19!

2011-12-28T23:59:00.000-08:00

Birthday girl c:

and her F-cup birthday cake,

and my favourite photo of the night c:

Roma's :>

2011-12-27T23:59:00.000-08:00

By the river

2011-12-26T23:59:00.000-08:00

Awesome Christmas eve!

2011-12-25T15:35:00.000-08:00

First up, surprised me with Macarons!

The plan for Taka shopping failed a bit.

Nom.

I've had one of the best Christmas Eve ever in my life last night!

Thank you Rae ♥♥♥

*Pictures on Fb*

By the way,

A very Merry Christmas to all!

I'm staying at home to sew :)

2011-12-24T18:22:00.000-08:00

I used to not be able to understand why my boyfriend liked to splurge on me.
But now I understood that it is such a happy thing knowing the receiver appreciates what you got for him/her :)

2011-12-23T20:24:00.000-08:00

My nails are ready for Christmas!

Took me some time to draw on my right hand.

This, you see below, is the very first leopard prints I've ever had on me.

Brother.

2011-12-23T17:29:00.000-08:00

Before 2012

2011-12-23T17:20:00.000-08:00

1. Get a haircut.

2. Contemplating whether to colour it 'cause Mum doesn't like coloured hair..

But I'm just gonna do it like a boss.

3. Revamp wardrobe somehow.

4. Take plenty of pictures.

5. DIY wardrobe and accessories.

Looking forward to tomorrow :)

Need. to. negotiate. again.

Sharing

2011-12-22T20:19:00.000-08:00

There is a right way and a wrong way to get to know someone for marriage. The wrong way is to get caught up in the excitement and nuance of a budding relationship and in the process completely forget to ask the critical questions that help determine compatibility. The following guide offers advice on exactly what to look for and avoid:

1) Do Not Marry Potential: Oftentimes men consider marrying a woman hoping she never changes while a woman considers marrying a man she hopes she can change. This is the wrong approach on both accounts. Don’t assume that you can change a person after you’re married to them or that they will reach their potential. There is no guarantee, after all, that those changes will be for the better. In fact, it’s often for the worse. If you can’t accept someone or imagine living with them as they are then don’t marry them. These differences can include a number of things such as ideological or practical differences in religion, habits, hygiene, communication skills, etc.

2) Choose Character over Chemistry: While chemistry and attraction are no doubt important, character precedes them both. A famous quote follows, “Chemistry ignites the fire, but character keeps it burning.” The idea of falling “in love” should never be the sole reason for marrying someone; it is very easy to confuse infatuation and lust for love. The most important character traits to look for include humility, kindness, responsibility, & happiness. Here’s a breakdown of each trait:

Humility: The humble person never makes demands of people but rather always does right by them. They put their values and principles above convenience and comfort. They are slow to anger, are modest, and avoid materialism.
Kindness: The kind person is the quintessential giver. They seek to please and minimize the pain of others. To know if a person is a giver, observe how they treat their family, siblings, and parents. Do they have gratitude towards their parents for all that they’ve done for them? If not, then know that they will never appreciate what you do for them. How do they treat people they don’t have to be kind towards (i.e. waiters, sales associates, employees, etc)? How do they spend their money? How do they deal with anger; their own anger and their reaction to someone else’s anger?
Responsibility: A responsible person has stability in their finances, relationships, job, and character. You can you rely on this person and trust what they say.
Happiness: A happy person is content with their portion in life. They feel good about themselves and good about their life. They focus on what they have rather than on what they don’t have. They very rarely complain.

3) Do Not Neglect The Emotional Needs of Your Partner: Both men and women have emotional needs and in order for a partnership to be successful those needs must be mutually met. The fundamental emotional need of a woman is to be loved. The fundamental emotional need of a man is to be respected and appreciated. To make a woman feel loved give her the three AAAs: Attention, Affection, & Appreciation. To make a man feel loved give him the three RRRs: Respect, Reassurance, & Relief. It is the obligation of each partner to make sure the other is happy and this extends to intimacy as well. As long as each partner is fulfilled by the emotional needs of the other, the intimate relationship will thrive. When a man takes seriously the emotional needs of his wife she will feel more encouraged to fulfill his sexual desires. Likewise, when a woman takes seriously the emotional needs of her husband he will feel more encouraged to give her the affection, love and appreciation she wants from him. Working together in this way encourages both giving and receiving.

4) Avoid Opposing Life Plans: In marriage you can either grow together or grow apart. Sharing a common purpose in life will increase the chance that you will grow together.

You must know what the person is into. In other words, what are they ultimately passionate about? Then ask yourself, “Do I respect this passion?” “Do I respect what they are into?”
The more specifically you define yourself, i.e., your values, your beliefs, your lifestyle, the better chance you have of finding your life partner, your soul mate, the one you are most compatible with.
Remember, before you decide who to take along on a trip, you should first figure out your destination.

5) Avoid Pre-Marital Sexual/Physical Activity:

Recognize that there is incredible wisdom in why God has ordered us to refrain from intimacy before marriage; they are to prevent great harms as well as to keep sacred what is the most blessed part of a relationship between a man and a woman.
Aside from the obvious spiritual consequences, when a relationship gets physical before its time, important issues like character, life philosophy, and compatibility go to the wayside. Consequently, everything is romanticized and it becomes difficult to even remember the important issues let alone talk about them.
Intellectual commitment must be established before emotional or sexual commitment.

6) Avoid Lack of Emotional Connection: There are four questions that you must answer YES to:

Do I respect and admire this person? What specifically do I respect and admire about this person?
Do I trust this person? Can I rely on them? Do I trust their judgment? Do I trust their word? Can I believe what they say?
Do I feel Safe? Do I feel emotionally safe with this person? Can I be vulnerable? Can I be myself? Can I be open? Can I express myself?
Do I feel calm and at peace with this person?

If the answer is “I don’t know, I’m not sure, etc.” keep evaluating until you know for sure and truly understand how you feel. If you don’t feel safe now, you won’t feel safe when you are married. If you don’t trust now, this won’t change when you are married!

7) Pay Attention to Your Own Emotional Anxiety: Choosing someone you don’t feel safe with emotionally is not a good recipe for a long-lasting and loving marriage. Feeling emotionally safe is the foundation of a strong and healthy marriage. When you don’t feel safe, you can’t express your feelings and opinions. Learn how to identify whether you are in an abusive relationship. If you feel you always have to monitor what you say, if you are with someone and you feel you can’t really express yourself and are always walking on eggshells, then it’s very likely you are in an abusive relationship. Look for the following things:

Controlling behavior: This includes controlling the way you act, the way you think, the way you dress, the way you wear your hair/hijab and the way you spend your time. Know the difference between suggestions and demands. Demands are an expression of control and if the demands are implied, then you must do it or there will be consequences. All of these are clear indications of abusive personalities.

Anger issues: This is someone who raises their voice on a regular basis, who is angry, gets angry at you, uses anger against you, uses put downs, and curses at you, etc. You don’t have to put up with this type of treatment. Many people who tolerate this behavior usually come from abusive backgrounds. If this is the case with you or someone you know, get help right away. Deal with those issues before getting married or before even thinking about getting married.

Beware of Lack of Openness In Your Partner: Many couples make the mistake of not putting everything on the table for discussion from the onset. Ask yourself, “What do I need to know to be absolutely certain I want to marry this person?” “What bothers me about this person or the relationship?” It’s very important to identify what’s bothering you, things that concern you, and things you are afraid to bring up for discussion. Then you must have an honest discussion about them. This is a great way to test the strength of your relationship. Bringing up issues when there’s conflict is a great opportunity to really evaluate how well you communicate, negotiate, and work together as a team. When people get into power struggles and blame each other, it’s an indication they don’t work well as a team. Also important is being vulnerable around each other. Ask deep questions of each other and see how your partner responds. How do they handle it? Are they defensive? Do they attack? Do they withdraw? Do they get annoyed? Do they blame you? Do they ignore it? Do they hide or rationalize it? Don’t just listen to what they say but watch for how they say it!

9) Beware of Avoiding Personal Responsibility: It’s very important to remember no one else is responsible for your happiness. Many people make the mistake of thinking someone else will fulfill them and make their life better and that’s their reason for getting married. People fail to realize that if they are unhappy as a single person, they will continue to be miserable when they are married. If you are currently not happy with yourself, don’t like yourself, don’t like the direction your life is going now, it’s important to take responsibility for that now and work on improving those areas of your life before considering marriage. Don’t bring these issues into your marriage and hope your partner will fix them.

10) Watch Out For Lack of Emotional Health and Availability In Your Potential Partner: Many people choose partners that are not emotionally healthy or available. One huge problem is when a partner is unable to balance the emotional ties to family members, the marriage ends up having 3 (or more) people in it rather than two. An example of this would be if a man is overly dependent on his mother and brings that relationship into the marriage; this is no doubt a recipe for disaster. Also important to consider are the following:

Avoid people who are emotionally empty inside. These include people who don’t like themselves because they lack the ability to be emotionally available. They are always preoccupied with their deficiencies, insecurities, and negative thoughts. They are in a perpetual fight with depression, never feel good, are isolated, are critical and judgmental; tend to not have any close friends, and often distrust people or are afraid of them. Another clear indication about them is they always feel their needs are not getting met; they have a sense of entitlement and feel angry when they feel people should take care of them and they don’t. They feel burdened by other people’s needs and feel resentment towards them. These people can not be emotionally available to build healthy relationships.
Addictions can also limit the level of availability of the partner to build a strong emotional relationship. Never marry an addict. Addictions are not limited to drugs and alcohol. They can be about addictions and dependency on work, internet, hobbies, sports, shopping, money, power, status, materialism, etc. When someone has an addiction, they will not and can not be emotionally available to develop an intimate relationship with you!

Additional Points to Consider:

The fact is no one looks 25 forever. Ultimately, we love the person we marry for more than their appearance. When we get to know someone we love and admire, we’ll love them for their inner beauty and overall essence.
Once we find someone, we consciously or subconsciously want so badly for it all to work that we decide not to question or see what is clearly in front of our eyes: they were rude to the waiter, speaks ill of others, is rude to you, etc. We don’t stop to ask, “What does all of this mean about their character?”
Never separate someone from their family, background, education, belief system, etc. Asking clear questions can clarify this. Ask questions like, “What does it mean to have a simple lifestyle?” “What are your expectations of marriage?” “How would you help around the house?” Compare your definition with theirs.
Be flexible. Be open-minded!
Giving in a happy marriage should not be confused with martyrdom. It should be about taking pleasure and seeing the other person as happy because of your connection with them.
Morality and spirituality are the qualities that truly define someone in addition to beauty, money, and health. The morally upright and spiritual person will stand by your side during adversity and hardship. If someone isn’t God-conscience and doesn’t take themselves into account with God then why should you expect them to fulfill their rights owed to you? The ideal partner is someone who considers giving a gain and not causing a loss. Having a mutual and shared spiritual relationship will foster a successful marriage. Furthermore, a successful marriage is one that keeps the laws of family purity which require a certain degree of self-control and self-discipline, as well as the belief that the physical side of the relationship includes the spiritual and emotional side as well. Finding commonality and balance between the spiritual and emotional aspects of a relationship is a strong key to a healthy and thriving marriage.

The above article was [in part] inspired by and adapted from a presentation by Rabbi Dov Heller, M.A.

Oh...

2011-12-22T19:56:00.000-08:00

2011-12-22T19:23:00.000-08:00

2011-12-21T22:28:00.000-08:00

Just finished packing aaaaaaaallllll of my fabric accumulated over the years and I have too much of them!

Firstly, I need a bigger container to collate my portfolio and fabric.

Secondly, I wanna use up the fabric as soon as possible so I can get new ones.

Off to look for inspiration.

Just you wait! :)

A sewing holiday

2011-12-21T21:47:00.000-08:00

First garment: Cropped top.

Sewn it some months ago, with leftover scrap Jersey from textile fundamentals :)
Pardon the image, expect nothing much out of photobooth.

2011-12-21T21:30:00.000-08:00

Feel so accomplished with my wedding gown! :D

Cost price $230

Suitable for model of height 170cm *oops, Rae*

And she's too skinny.

Gonna get a size 8 model for photoshoot. Anyone?

Karma is taking its toll on me.

2011-12-12T10:15:00.000-08:00

I do not like to be controlled. I cannot stand being controlled. It scares me off.
You're not supposed to be the obstacle in my life.
But apparently, I was forced to choose between love and passion.
When I can have both last time.
This sucks.

x'(

2011-12-12T08:11:00.000-08:00

我自找麻烦。自讨苦吃。
我活该。

Random sharing

2011-12-09T08:30:00.000-08:00

Mel was saying yesterday that when we have kids, we shouldn't teach them A for apple, but A for Armani, B for Balenciaga, C for Chanel... instead.

New discoveries!

2011-12-08T23:12:00.000-08:00

I've discovered places that intrigues me pretty much! :)

Okay, you might have been there before, but that's not my problem.

First, Wanderlust's concept rooms.

I've always have fetish for interiors.

Next, Hatched!

Their website, though slow loading, is engaging :)

But I am sure, I wouldn't be able to go there with *coughs* non egg-eaters.

I would have to forfeit both :(

Need

money

for

fabric.

Hallelujah.

2011-12-04T21:21:00.000-08:00

I swear I would bid goodbye to my closet, and have my mood racks if I have my room back to myself.

Damn, these are just what I needed!

LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT.

2011-12-04T21:11:00.000-08:00

LV Gold Collar. Come to Mama.

2011-12-02T22:56:00.000-08:00

I was scouring through blogshops, hoping I could find something to my liking as I'm currently looking for a suitable garment to put on for Lijiao's wedding dinner, BUT TO NO AVAIL.
I guess I'll sew one myself during the holiday :)

Emma in dilemma

2011-11-30T23:31:00.000-08:00

Sometimes when you think of certain people, do you ever wonder if they ever think about you?
Even though you want an answer so badly, you would rather leave it as a question-mark instead of a "No."
It's painful knowing they do not care about you as much as you care about them.

And while listening to songs that remind you of a certain person, a certain incident, do you ever wonder if there are songs that reminds them of you?

And do you have pictures in your desktop that you once cherished so much, but because you're so afraid to even browse through them now, for fear of evoking your sadness, you don't know what to do with them?

2011-11-30T21:36:00.000-08:00

It's been 10 months :)

2011-11-18T19:31:00.000-08:00

I have a friend who's going through emotional turmoil recently.
Actually, for the past two months.
I forgot how it started but things are not working for her.
She has been having this major communication problem with her bf, Viktor.
Whenever they met up, she told me they would be fine.
And often, just before they part, some drama would start again.

She always angered Viktor unintentionally, and she has no idea most of the time why Vikor got angry.
And whenever Viktor voiced out his concerns, she felt that it was nothing to be angry bout.
Vik used to be like the prince in her dream, and treat her like his princess.
After getting together for months, Vik's attitude starts to change.
Though he claimed to still love her, you could say he's almost demanding, and sometimes unreasonable.

M, my friend, told me she knows sometimes she's at fault for 'mistreating' Vik.
Such as not having a very nice tone over a phone call, or replying his messages real late.
But she didn't mean to. She was busy. She isn't the kind of person who would have her phone with her 247 because she is rather fearful about the radiation.
On the other hand, Vik is someone who expects her to have her phone with her all the time.
Vik once said that 'if you really wanna talk to me you would have your phone w you all day long.'
M is trying hard to fulfill Vik's request but still, out of habit, she sometimes forget.

M is having a hard time w Vik currently because of some misunderstandings again.
Both of them know the problem. But M doesn't know how to appease Vik.
She doesn't know what he wants, or how he wish for it to be solved.
M badly wants to get back to the sweet romance they had when they first started. But Vik isn't cooperating..

The saddest part is, Vik could not understand why M is busy with what she's busy with.
Whatever she's doing, it's her passion.
And what's devastating is that her most beloved Vik, couldn't understand why she always wanna keep herself busy with all these things.
Instead of supporting her, Vik would give comments, mostly the less motivating ones.
And whenever he does that, M is stuck in a situation.
One is beloved Vik. The other is her passion.
Why does she have to choose?
Why can't Vik be supportive??
Times have changed, and I believe M is not the kind of woman who would wanna stay home all the time like a little wife and wait obediently for her husband to come back.
She's someone with goals, and an adventurous character.
Someone with attitude, someone with a strong character.

There has been quite a number of times that breakup crossed M's mind.
But she loves him too much to let go..
I can see that M is slowly sinking into depression, having drastic emotional swings now and then.
I worry for her and really wanna help her.
Any advice?

2011-11-17T08:28:00.000-08:00

Is this still workable..?
Do we really think it's workable..?
Or are we just deluding ourselves that it's workable..?
I don't know anymore :'(

2011-11-16T23:24:00.000-08:00

Kids wear!

I thought given more time, I could have done better.

2011-11-15T02:04:00.000-08:00

I really don't understand why he would feel so insecure after the trip from yesterday..
I have so much in my mind I dont know who I can confide to..
It's not like I don't have confidantes but every one is busy with their work I don't wanna bother them with personal matters..
When my parents saw me crying uncontrollably, they always prompt what happened and I always have to use 'school work' as excuse though they probably know that it's because of some quarrel with bf.
I don't want them to have bad impression of him.

I am starting to have signs of self mutilation (not wrist slitting) I feel damn guilty for my parents and promise I won't do conduct that kind of unfilial act again.
As much as my parents want to help me each time I broke down, I badly wanna tell them about my problems but always seal my lips.
What do I do? I need someone I can talk to..

2011-11-13T06:11:00.000-08:00

It was a hectic day.
I just got back from UK farm in Malaysia with dad, mum and baby.
My parents spent about S$140 for cab fare in total for the journey back home.
I had to rush off for a once-a-lifetime opportunity, and i am really thankful my parents were really supportive despite leaving the tour group earlier.
I am grateful that baby stayed with me throughout the trip even though there wasn't much to do.
I have the most wonderful parents. All along they gave me the freedom to do things I have interest in, and are really supportive of me pursuing my dreams. They immediately understood why I return home late at times when all I needed to tell them is 'school work, project.' :)
I love them :)

Did I not mention that my bridal gown design was chosen?
Well, weeks ago I had submitted my design for this competition.
10 designs out of all the designs submitted will be selected and made into actual gowns for a Bridal exhibition or show next January.
I received a call on Friday morning, with the person in charge telling me the piece of good news.
That explains the cab fare.

Dear baby,
I'm sorry I made you felt neglected..
I admit I was too occupied with my work and stuff and my patience runs really low especially when I'm stressed out..
I didn't mean to neglect you.. Why would I want to?
Although you might disagree with me sometimes about the things I do and struggle for so terribly, you will never fail to be by my side and shower me your care and concern :)

I'll be mindful about the negligence, please give me more time.
Continue to stay with me.
It would be perfect if you could stay forever :)
I love you ;)

2011-11-04T18:49:00.000-07:00

Muahahaha baby cleanse his face, exfoliate, and put on mask ysd :)

Going to M'sia on the 12th with family, ft people and Bee :D!

I'm still not allowed to travel alone with friends for leisure :(

♥

The tears don't fall, they crash around me.

2011-11-03T22:22:00.000-07:00

Ever since the trip to Cambodia, I have been trying to reassure you through means and ways.

It has been a month of reassurance.

Things were fine, until today.

It was foolish of me to do such things. But.. it wasn't on purpose..

I really needed an escapade on emotional level..

I know I am in no position to make any request..

You know I'd do anything to ensure the smooth sailing of this relationship..

I couldn't comprehend at all why the sudden outburst on your way home..

I tried talking to you nicely and remain clear-headed while solving the problem,

But you were so against whatever I said that you were just maligning me all along.

I have no privacy left..

I cannot control my tears..

I'm fainting from crying my heart out..

I'm sucha weakling..

I never felt so alone before..

So darn fucking alone.

2011-11-03T20:04:00.000-07:00

I go to your blog and see.. Sad stuffs..

2011-11-01T23:37:00.000-07:00

Versace for H&M

Love at first sight!

I'm sooooo gonna save up for this dress for Lijiao's wedding dinner.

Unless I see something else, more affordable yet comparable in aesthetics.

$283.

Just Sharing

2011-11-01T19:05:00.000-07:00

Even dolls have nicer shoes.

2011-10-25T23:39:00.000-07:00

I have been looking forward to tomorrow, until you gave me silent treatment.

I need to express my feelings somewhere.
If I keep it all to myself, I think I'll end up in the asylum sooner or later

2011-10-24T23:41:00.000-07:00

It has been a rough month, an extreme high and low period.

& I was nearly consumed by defeat.

Just when the situation seemed to be better, it got worse again.

Although I'm not sure how long it'll take, or if it's even possible,

All I begged for is for you to have faith, have trust in me.

I do not mind being your 'prisoner,' but I don't know how much longer I can handle my emotions.

I love you.

Being random.

2011-10-14T10:37:00.000-07:00

Cambodia trip was awesome, a wonderful experience!

I'm glad I went :)

Let pictures on Facebook speak for itself.

Went for movie with clique and some of the crew some days ago.

It's funny how anal they get when it comes to analysing the scenes in a movie, like how anal we get when it comes to analysing the sewing techniques of garment.

2011-10-12T22:39:00.000-07:00

Went into Hereafter, a studio for student from Moving Images, for the very first time today.

While watching the crew edit the recordings from Cambodia trip, I feel daaaaaamn awkward seeing myself being filmed.

Let alone hearing my voice.

FYI, I have to do the voice recording for the whole film.

God Bless.

Dear Laomu,

Please allow things to return to how it was before.

I'm trying hard, so please grant my wish.

2011-10-02T07:55:00.001-07:00

11am flight to Cambodia tomorrow!

Reporting at 9am :)

Okay I'm reporting this everywhere -.-

Twitter.. fb.. blog..

Naaaaag.

Accompanied me till 10pm or so :)

FYI, he didn't cut botak on purpose.

It's the hairdresser's mistake.

I'll miss you baby.

I'll write to you every day.

Promise me you will too.

Day Eight: Three words you can't go a day without using

2011-09-30T23:42:00.000-07:00

1. Bee

2. Haha

3. Idk

This is stupid *roll eyes.

In addition, recommended by bf and it's so true, ' I love you . '

8th monthsary :>

2011-09-30T08:07:00.000-07:00

Filming took place at my place today.

It was much smoother compared to the first filming in workshop!

Perhaps because I'm comfortable with the environment. (like duh, at home what)

I must say I really feel pressurised speaking into the camera with lecturers around.

I cannot speak naturally.

Went to watch Bee's polo training/match afterwards.

I'm glad Bf and I are of XXcm difference in height. He's 183cm!

Firstly, he's really efficient in blocking the sun for me :)

Secondly, I would be lying comfortably at his chest whenever I'm tired, hearing his heart beat.

Next, I can wear heels without fearing I would be taller than him :D (though I seldom wear heels, but started investing already okay.)

Also, I can bear hug him :D

Some dated pictures.

No wonder Wayne asked if I had done plastic surgery -.-

This, is my passport photo.

I loveeeee my camera.

I do not have to photoshop the pictures :)

P.S my room is freaking tidy (as compared to before) and I'm loving it.

Thank you Mummy <3

Day Seven:Four memories you won't forget

2011-09-28T20:43:00.000-07:00

Ignore Day Seven.

2011-09-28T20:01:00.000-07:00

I don't know if I'm pretending to be happy, pretending to be alright.

I really don't know.

Random sharing

2011-09-27T22:00:00.000-07:00

You said you are afraid of losing me.

But you're doing things that would increase the chance of losing me.

I'm really worn out by the endless battles.

I don't know how much longer I can hold on.

I'm disheartened.

Officially announcing the fact that I am disheartened.

Something sweet;

Mummy helped me prepared some snacks for my trip, when I haven't even thought bout luggage packing.

Aww.. *melting* :)

Day Six: Five things you can't live without

2011-09-23T21:57:00.000-07:00

1. Family's support

2. En

3. Friends

4. Bobo

5. Air (?) ._.

First day of holiday

2011-09-23T21:53:00.000-07:00

Starbucks, shopped a bit.

Doesn't really feel like holiday though, due to the competitions ahead.

I am in mood to dress up :D

Day Five: Six random things in your room

2011-09-22T21:37:00.000-07:00

1. Usa-chan

2. Sewing machine

3. Luggage

4. Ironing board

5. Beds

6. Cupboards

2011-09-21T20:02:00.000-07:00

Planning ahead, again.

Meow, 50% completed.

Don't judge, I didn't take Art.

Neither am I good with paintbrushes.

Battlefield. Just showing.

2011-09-19T21:45:00.000-07:00

Break down.

2011-09-19T20:46:00.000-07:00

I'm really really scared right now..

My thoughts are all jumbled up..

You always, always always always surface in my mind..

I tried, tried and tried and tried to get over you..

But, I just can't.. Even after months..

I cannot listen to any songs recently. They make me reminisce, make me cry.

I bet you don't know, and you'll never know, but I'm always near to tears, sometimes tearing at the mere thought of you.

Why am I so affected now?

I wonder.. was that decision made out of impulse back then..

Or do I just need more time to let go..?

Great, I'm hurting everyone now.

Day Four - Seven fears/phobia

2011-09-19T20:35:00.000-07:00

1. Cockroaches

2. Sense of insecurity

3. Being lonely

4. Real-life mannequin with coloured features

5. Heights

6. Losing someone I love..

7. Karma

Yesterday; Tickets from Jay!

2011-09-16T21:37:00.000-07:00

Day Three - Eight things that annoy you

2011-09-16T21:34:00.000-07:00

My day three is finally here.

1. When you're really tired yet you still have to queue for the toilet to wash up.

2. Someone walking in front of you is puffing and the smoke just come right into your face.

3. Non-design students queuing up at Xorex for printing services during our submission week.

4. Rushing for time but someone blocked the whole path and is taking his/her own sweet time.

5. My brother and his videos.

6. Unpicking whenever you sew something wrongly.

7. Reading text messages that are of really broken English.

8. The noise created when people blast their music despite having ear pieces on.

Day Two - Nine things you do every day.

2011-09-13T14:59:00.000-07:00

1. Eat.

2. Bathe.

3. Stare into blank space.

4. Tweet.

5. Message baby.

6. Smile.

7. Laugh.

8. Talk to myself.

9. Panic.

Have you noticed what's missing?

Sleep.

Mooncake Festival :)

2011-09-12T23:08:00.000-07:00

Giam made this for Clare and I love it.

It made my night :)

Your eyes aren't playing tricks. It is Emma Watson.

#Just Saying

2011-09-12T22:59:00.000-07:00

I've always dreamt of having a family of my own in the near future.

However, sometimes I feel that I'm more suited to be single.

I can give you a list of reasons to support this thought.

#1 I'm easily jealous. Well it depends on my mood as well but in general, I AM EASILY JEALOUS. Face it.

#2 I don't know but there seemed to be this thing about Scorpios practicing "An eye for an eye." I think we play 'Revenge' a lot.

#3 Insecure creature.

#4 Doesn't forgive easily and don't forget.

#5 Possessive.

HOW TO KILL A HEART?

(refer to the above instructions though not recommended.)

Maybe there were improvements compared to the past but, come on, not many saints can put up with ugly facts like that.

Not many people pulled through.

Perhaps these explained my previously failed relationships, I suppose?

So why not stick to myself

It's eleven, goodnight.

Day 01 - 10 random facts

2011-09-12T18:04:00.000-07:00

1 I sing a lot while doing assignment.

2 I'm an insecure creature.

3 Whenever I can't make up my mind, I use the eenie-meanie method.

4 I work best with copic markers (so far).

5 I love food.

6 Only start putting mask under Rae's influence.

7 My day-to-day make up consist of BBcream, blusher, eyeliner, mascara. Sometimes lesser.

8 Anything exaggerated happens only during photoshoot or special occasions.

9 I believe it's only right to invest in good and nice shoes.

10 I have 10,000 plans for this coming holiday.

10 Days - yeah, i'm bored.

2011-09-11T21:52:00.000-07:00

Day One: Ten random facts about yourself

Day Two: Nine things you do everyday

Day Three: Eight things that annoy you

Day Four: Seven fears/phobia

Day Five: Six random things in your room

Day Six: Five things you can't live without

Day Seven:Four memories you won't forget

Day Eight: Three words you can't go a day without using

Day Nine: Two things you wish you could do

Day Ten: One person you can trust

The man I love most in life.

2011-09-11T19:28:00.000-07:00

Oh, how could I forget.

Last night's :)

Baby, you come next :)

Another day.

2011-09-11T18:47:00.000-07:00

This is most probably the only way I can enjoy life now.

Holiday seemed so far away..

I must say I thought I looked like MJ omg.

Basically, I'm just trying out all sorts of mask, though from the same brand.

This current one has a slight floral fragrance, as expected of its name.

All the masks are awesome. Couldn't really tell the difference because I apply them like once in a while?

But most definitely, they have a similar effect; improve your skin condition in some way, some how.

Tighten your pores, make your face firm etc.

Perhaps I should stock up some for Cambodia trip? :P

Damn it's true.

2011-09-10T23:35:00.000-07:00

@AnsonNgChengEn No one suits you better than I do.

2011-09-08T20:34:00.000-07:00

I can't wait for holiday to be here;

I have so many things to do with my beloveds.

I can't wait to go to Cambodia;

I want to contribute to the society.

I can't wait to sew up my fabric;

I promised Mum to sew her CNY clothes.

2011-09-06T22:42:00.000-07:00

Ruined.

Where was the gentle one I know?

It's just so, heartbreaking..

You're gonna love my music.

2011-09-06T20:11:00.000-07:00

Dedicated to baby:

I don't mind your odd behaviour

It's the very thing I savour

If you were an ice-cream flavour

You would be my favourite one

My imagination sees you

Like a painting by Van Gogh

Starry nights and bright sunflowers

Follow you where you may go

Oh, I've loved you from the start

In every single way

And more each passing day

You are brighter than the stars

Believe me when I say

It's not about your scars

It's all about your heart

You're a butterfly held captive

Small and safe in your cacoon

Go on you can take your time

Time is said to heal all wounds

Oh, I've loved you from the start

In every single way

And more each passing day

You are brighter than the stars

Believe me when I say

It's not about your scars

It's all about your heart

Like a lock without a key

Like a mystery without a clue

There's no me if I cannot have you

Oh, I've loved you from the start

In every single way

And more each passing day

You are brighter than the stars

Believe me when I say

It's not about your scars

It's all about your heart

2011-09-06T20:01:00.000-07:00

"Why don't you sew your own clothing?"

Okay answers to this question:

1. No time.

2. No money.

I'll probably do it over the holiday though :D

2011-09-04T10:26:00.000-07:00

Dreams turned vague.

Something for the society.

2011-08-31T21:23:00.000-07:00

Our designs for Cambodia Jewellery Design 2011 are chosen!

Basically it's a project by this company, Saught, that wants to help rebuild Cambodia's economy even if it's by a teeny weeny bit.

They are recycling the metals from the bombs and landmines that were unearthed from the war some decades ago, turning them into jewellery.

Filming tomorrow with Moving Images students. Film what? Idk.

I wanna enter, and already am signing up for competitions.

There's this sudden adrenaline rush within me, telling me to.

Another fright for you.

2011-08-28T22:24:00.000-07:00

Today's pick:

Compared to the Apple mask from the previous try, this is really sweet smelling - like the grape/mixed berry yoghurt drink you find in departmental stores.

I love it :)

Talk about the previous mask, it helped in firming my skin as I felt the pull after removing it.

And my skin was really smooth. Was.

Smelt like Apple (DUH, it's labelled Apple.)

Regarding the effect of this mask, I'll let you know again after it's being removed :)

Can you believe I was actually asking Bee which one I should use tonight?

Lol, I just wanna try all of them.

I tried to smoothen the crinkle but, my face is just too small for the mask I couldn't make full use of it :(

I discovered that there'll only, yet always, be pimple outbreak AFTER rushing for all the submission and what naught.

Whatever happened to my complexion? ::::::(

Why? Why come knocking on my door when it's 'time' for me to relax, when it's time for some beauty sleep?

So not beautiful at all.

Oh, bro got a shock when he sees me in this current state and screamed "Geisha"

-.-

2011-08-28T16:47:00.000-07:00

Went swimming with my muscleman at Dd's!

& we whipped up a few dishes together with Mum :D

& did some ear picking for this pig.

2011-08-25T23:25:00.000-07:00

After a month of battling with all the preparation for sewing and of course, the sewing machine,

and while waiting for baby,

I totally deserve this (Y)

Warning, not suitable for the faint-hearted.

You're irreplaceable :)

2011-08-25T20:19:00.000-07:00

Some days ago, I had no choice but to spill out every single thing I've been through when he probed deep enough.

I really wanted to bring these 'secrets' to grave but, I just couldn't bring myself to lie to him.

Initially I was really perturbed and furious. How could he interrogate me like the questions aren't hurting me at all?

Moreover, I was really afraid to lose him..

Really, really afraid..

Honestly speaking, when the secrets have been let out, I was expecting a goodbye..

Now, I'm really thankful for what he did.

Despite the revelations, he stayed by me :)

He made me feel worthy of him.

His love for me did not waver, not a bit.

Tell you what, it's not possible to find another him - someone who accepts my past.

I'm not gonna let go. I'm not gonna let anyone else have him.

As long as you're with me, this IS a fairytale :)

2011-08-20T21:33:00.000-07:00

Say you're sorry, that face of an angel
Comes out just when you need it to
As I paced back and forth all this time
Cause I honestly believed in you

Holding on, the days drag on
Stupid girl, I should have known
I should have known

I'm not a princess, this ain't a fairy tale
I'm not the one you'll sweep off her feet
Lead her up the stairwell

This ain't Hollywood, this is a small town
I was a dreamer before you went and let me down
Now it's too late for you and your white horse, to come around

Baby I was naive, got lost in your eyes
And never really had a chance
I had so many dreams about you and me
Happy endings, now I know

I'm not a princess, this ain't a fairy tale
I'm not the one you'll sweep off her feet
Lead her up the stairwell

This ain't Hollywood, this is a small town
I was a dreamer before you went and let me down
Now it's too late for you and your white horse, to come around

2011-08-10T10:12:00.000-07:00

Didnt get to catch fireworks but that doesn't matter.

Bee's gonna start working this Saturday!

I'm so glad Johnny hired him. We get to spend more time together :)

We devised a plan that would secure our relationship if I were to study abroad.

Hope there isn't any objection to it :)

2011-08-07T21:47:00.000-07:00

Looking forward to Tuesday :)

Going to bake at Bee's, and catch NDP's fireworks ! (from his flat)